The Irish prostitute

This joke snagged from the local radio station I listen to most mornings.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff….dad….I became a prostitute….” Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family”

“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious …fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.”

Continue reading The Irish prostitute

A watch I want

Those who know me already recognize my high-level of geekiness. Those that don’t know me figure out how much of a proud dork I am pretty quickly. I’m hoping to combine my lack of time-keeping device with my poor fashion sense to go to the next level and let people who see me but don’t meet me understand how non-functional I am in proper society. The solution to the needs-fix I have is this morse-code based watch.

If you want to deter that pesky friend who’s always peeking over you shoulder to check the time, then put a stop to it with the Morse Code watch from Tokyo Flash. This first ever design has three modes for telling time. Using a built in speaker that refracts sound off your wrist through the solid stainless steel case it sounds out the time in Morse code! But if that’s too hard to follow, you can easily press a button to see the time in Morse Code on the LED.

There are other cool watches that speak to my geekiness. But few combine the dorkiness I need with my desire to have something that keeps other people away while fulfilling a utilitarian function for me.

North Korea does not play around with rule breakers

I’m all for the tough-on-crime stance.  I feel we in America are too soft on many criminals.  A company my mother used to work for had an employee killed while on travel to China by someone who broke in to his hotel room with intent to steal stuff.  When the criminal was caught, he was executed the day after his trial where he was found guilty.  Swift, direct, and sure to cut down on repeat offenses.

All that said, I think the North Korean version of “justice” might be a little beyond acceptable.

A North Korean factory boss accused of making international phone calls was executed by a firing squad in front of 150,000 people, it emerged today.

. . .

The factory chief’s death last month came as executions in the communist dictatorship began increasing after a seven-year decline in the number of people publicly killed.

Of course, this is the country where the leader has changed the “educational” system to indicate that everything useful was invented by previous dictator, the so-called “Great Leader” who is also revered as deific.

This execution was carried out because the person supposedly installed equipment which allowed him to make phone calls outside of North Korea, but North Koreans are prohibited from communicating outside the country.  Except, of course, the current leader, who considers him an internet expert (note: I don’t think hours of pr0n surfing every day qualify one to be an internet expert – otherwise I would be a highly skilled, high-level internet expert).

And the execution alone clearly was not enough loss of life, as more people died as they left the stadium in which the execution took place:

And six people were also crushed to death and 34 others injured in an apparent stampede as they left after the execution, it was claimed.

That is just so sad.  I feel sorry for the citizens of the country, really.

[tags]North Korea, execution, Human rights’ abuse[/tags]

It’s called Christmas

Heard this one on the radio this morning.  I liked it as a happy song telling off all those involved in the pussification of America for calling Christmas something else.

Of course, I’m ignoring the overly religious secondary message, but that’s because I prefer to focus on the part that tells people what ‘tards they are.

[tags]It’s called Christmas, With a capital C, YouTube, Christmas, Holidays, Happy holidays[/tags]

Spilled chicken grease, poor phrasing

This is such a minor story that it really should be worth mentioning here, but I have a reason. Today, there were several wrecks in Virginia caused by a 20-mile trail of spilled chicken grease.

The Virginia State Police say the smelly grease caused at least four accidents and several spinouts. One person was taken to a hospital with minor injuries.

Police Sergeant Joe Bunting describes it as a “glassy film” that made the road slick and left a “really funky” odor.

Really, nothing big, right? Well, I felt like pointing it out because of the charges the driver faces:

Bunting says a truck hauling the grease left a Perdue Farms plant with a valve open and the grease poured onto northbound Route 13 before the driver was stopped near the Maryland line. He said the driver would be charged with losing his load. [emphasis mine]

Am I the only person in the world who reads these oddball accounts and laughs when drivers are charged with losing their loads?  Am I the only one who reads that as the adult-movie phrase it clearly isn’t meant to be in these news stories?

[tags]Pr0n news, Losing his load, Chicken grease, traffic[/tags]

Father of the year contender

For those that didn’t hear about this last week, here’s the tale of a father who recognized he was too drunk to drive home.  Wisely, he gave up his keys.  Wisely, he chose someone he knew and trusted to drive his truck.  Unfortunately, the designated driver was a bit drunk, too.  Oh, and a bit under-age.

A police officer checking on a truck that got stuck in the mud at a city park was startled to find a 13-year-old boy behind the wheel. The boy’s father, who was sitting in the passenger seat, told police he had had too much to drink and let his son drive. The boy had been drinking, too, police said.

Well, I guess the man can’t be a perfect model for wise decision-making.

[tags]Drunk, Stupid, Father of the year[/tags]

I’m still waiting

Got this from a cow-orker at my previous job shortly before I left. It really seems to match most folks’ experiences with email chain-letters.

I’m still waiting

I did what you told me…
I sent the email to 10 people like you said.
I’m still waiting for that miracle to happen

Yes, it’s a bit stupid.  But I like the pic.

[tags]Stupid, I’m still waiting, Chain email[/tags]