Category: Humor

The Irish prostitute

This joke snagged from the local radio station I listen to most mornings.

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?”

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff….dad….I became a prostitute….” Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family”

“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious …fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.”

Continue reading “The Irish prostitute”

Spilled chicken grease, poor phrasing

This is such a minor story that it really should be worth mentioning here, but I have a reason. Today, there were several wrecks in Virginia caused by a 20-mile trail of spilled chicken grease.

The Virginia State Police say the smelly grease caused at least four accidents and several spinouts. One person was taken to a hospital with minor injuries.

Police Sergeant Joe Bunting describes it as a “glassy film” that made the road slick and left a “really funky” odor.

Really, nothing big, right? Well, I felt like pointing it out because of the charges the driver faces:

Bunting says a truck hauling the grease left a Perdue Farms plant with a valve open and the grease poured onto northbound Route 13 before the driver was stopped near the Maryland line. He said the driver would be charged with losing his load. [emphasis mine]

Am I the only person in the world who reads these oddball accounts and laughs when drivers are charged with losing their loads?  Am I the only one who reads that as the adult-movie phrase it clearly isn’t meant to be in these news stories?

[tags]Pr0n news, Losing his load, Chicken grease, traffic[/tags]

When you lie about going to work, don’t post pics to facebook

I am not a Facebook user. The whole social web thing eludes me, although that may primarily be due to my moderately reclusive nature. But I know that Facebook and other social media sites are big with many, many people on the web. However, keep in mind that others are also aware of the draw of social media sites. These people may not use the sites for themselves, but there is a real possibility that they will check up on your use of the sites. For instance, if you tell your boss you can’t make it in to work for a family emergency one day, it might not be wise to post pictures to Facebook of yourself in your fairy costume at a party right after you miss work.

Kevin Colvin, an intern at Anglo Irish Bank’s North American arm, was busted when he told his manager, Paul Davis, that he’d miss work due to a “family emergency”. Davis turned up the photo above, freshly posted to Facebook from the Halloween party Colvin apparently missed work to attend, and attached it to his reply, copying the rest of the office as he did it. The email thread is now spreading around the net.

I agree with the boss – that is a cool wand. My kids would probably have fun if I had one of those.

[tags]Stupid, Humor, Facebook, Lies, Pics, Cool wand[/tags]

Do drunken elephants see pink elephants?

On occasion, I find a headline that I hate to pass up.  Most days now, I’ll just post it to RandomLi, my other blog.  However, some are good enough to gather posting line there as well as get a full post here.  I present to you “Elephants electrocuted in drunken rampage.”

GAUHATI, India – Six Asiatic wild elephants were electrocuted as they went berserk after drinking rice beer in India’s remote northeast, a wildlife official said Tuesday.

How do elephants get drunk?  Well:

Some found beer, which farmers ferment and keep in plastic and tin drums in their huts, said Sunil Kumar, a state wildlife official.

So I stand by my post title and wonder – do drunken elephants see pink elephants?  Or is that limited to humans that have seen Fantasia?

[tags]Fantasia, Drunken Elephants, Pink elephants, Rampage[/tags]

Damn leprechauns

I know many of you will read this poor gentleman’s sad tale of Irish tragedy and think “There but for the grace of God.”

I, however, read it and realize that some day that could be my picture in the paper. I can’t tell you how many times leprechauns have tricked me in to cars that weren’t mine.

A man was caught Tuesday morning inside a car with his pants down.

. . .

Investigators said Leblanc told them he had done drugs and believed that a leprechaun had let him into the car.

Oddly, the leprechauns only open car doors for me when I also am wandering through the streets without any pants on. (via boingboing)

[tags]Leprechauns, Always after me lucky charms, Pantless, There’s an explosion – IN MAH PANTS[/tags]