Satan is after your children

This is really stupid. You don’t want to read it. I’m writing this completely for my own entertainment. It’s really stupid, even given my low standards on t3H Blahg.

Back in 1971, Pastor Jack Hyles laid down this exceptionally important message concerning the welfare of your children. Satan is assualting our culture’s values by starting at the root of our future – the children. Ohhhhh, won’t someone PLEASE think of the children?

Pastor Hyles got really upset after seeing how schools were corrupting our children. Someone, perhaps one of his delicate flock, had her delicate sensibilities affronted when she visited one of the local public schools.

A lady said to me yesterday, “I went over here to a middle school to work in the lunchroom at the lunch hour. Pastor, it never dawned on me the condition of that place. I never realized before what is happening in our schools.”

Pastor Hyles was swift to pull the reigns on the problem. Here, he starts with letting the parents know what they don’t know about the public schools.

Parents, you really do not know what is going on. No, you do not. I have in my hand a teenage questionnaire. By the say, one of the reasons I am starting off slow tonight, I do not know what time it is and could not care less. You just forget your clock and your hopes of getting to bed at all tonight, because this is one night when I am going to stand before you and plead for your children.

. . .

  1. Have you ever heard one of your school teachers use vulgar language in class?
  2. Have you ever heard a school teacher take the name of the Lord in vain in class?
  3. Do you ever hear students cursing aloud in class?
  4. Have you ever been approached by someone who wanted to sell or give you marijuana or any other narcotic?
  5. Have any of your school friends used narcotics?
  6. Have you ever used drugs?
  7. Have you ever given away or sold drugs yourself?
  8. Do you know of any teacher who uses drugs?
  9. Have you ever been taught evolution?
  10. Do any of your teachers wear mini-skirts?
  11. Do any of your teachers wear pant dresses?
  12. Do any of your school friends drink?
  13. Have you ever taken a drink or any alcoholic beverage, such as beer, wine, etc.?
  14. Has there ever been in your school any disturbances, such as revolts, riots, student disorders, boycotts, etc.?
  15. Have you ever heard the American way of life, the establishment, and capitalism criticized by a teacher?
  16. Have you ever worn slacks to school?
  17. Have you ever worn shorts to school?
  18. Have you ever been taught that premarital sex is all right?
  19. Have you been asked to read such books as, Of Mice and Men, Soul On Ice, The Grapes of Wrath, Catcher in the Rye, or any other book that includes cursing?
  20. Have you read any of these books?

Now this questionnaire was handed to each of our high school students this morning. Before you leave tonight, I am going to give you what your kids said this morning, plus a lot of other things along with it. I will give you through the message tonight, the result of this survey.

Man, there’s some serious shit on there. Teachers wearing pant dresses and mini-skirts? Students wearing slacks and shorts to school? Reading Catcher in the Rye or The Grapes of Wrath? Learning evolution? Dang. No wonder kids in the 70s were so screwed up. Look at all the bad influences they had in their lives. On the other hand, there is that question about whether premarital sex is all right. Let me just say right now that I wish more teachers at my school were teaching that message. I might have had a better school experience.

Pastor Hyles expresses the problems with the kids in public school, shares with the parents the results on the survey (almost all students said they had teachers wear mini-skirts, but one did point out one student said “Yes, but he looks terrible in it.” – dozens of girls had worn slacks or shorts to school – nearly half said they had been taught pre-marital sex was all right), and explains the way to save their children.

So, how to save the children from the damning influence of the liberals in education?

3. Get your child in the Christian school. I mean it folks. Do I have to get on my knees and talk to you? Do I have to beg you? I know, I sit in my office. I know what happens.

. . .

Get your kids in the Christian school. We have here, on this platform, a man who has to take second place to no principal when it comes to scholarship and education. None at all. We have a faculty at our school that does not have to bow to anybody’s faculty.

Ladies and gentlemen, your children do not have to go to the Devil anymore. Furthermore, we are opening a college in September of 1972. That means not that a child can start at our schools when he is four years of age and stay there for 16 years. They do not have to go to the Devil.

. . .

You say, “I do not make enough money.” Get your kid in a Christian school. You say, “I cannot afford it.” Get your kid in a Christian school. You say, “Brother Hyles, I just do not see my way through.” Get your kid in a Christian school. “I cannot.” Yes, you can. Get your kid in a Christian school.

4. Give. It is going to take a lot of money for us to do what we are going to do. I mean some of you ought to give some property. You say, “Brother Hyles, what would you do with it?” We may start a school on it. Or we may trade it for some property where we can start a school. Somebody who owns fifty acres ought to just give ten acres to the church, just give it. You say, “Brother Hyles, it is a long way off.” You ought to just give it anyway. Give it to the church. How we will use it, I do not know, but we will use it. Just give it to the church. Somebody ought to give enough land for a school in some neighborhood, and when the time comes, we will develop it and have a school there. Give.

Somebody ought to give a thousand or ten thousand dollars. Listen, it is the best money you have ever spent, investing in this kind of money for our children.

Always down to the money, isn’t it? Sounds like the pastor at some of the churches I went to growing up. Is this just a Baptist thing, or do all the churches do this (after I wrote that sentence, I looked up Pastor Hyles, and I think I found him – he was a Baptist preacher, if this is the right guy – and Wikipedia says this same guy started a Christian college in 1972, so sounds right)? Seems like every message ends up with a plea for money or a reminder that we’re all going to hell, unless we repent, again, because for some reason our repenting from last week wasn’t the right thing to save us.

Like I said – this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever put up here. But that message bothered me. And I posted this for my own enjoyment anyway.

[tags]Save the children from Satan, Spend money on our college to save your children from hell[/tags]