More humor from cow-orkers

Sometimes, I like it when my cow-orkers send me jokes. True, most of the time, they are inane (the jokes, not the cow-orkers – they are almost always inane). However, one particular cow-orker (let’s call him J.W.) almost always shares good stuff. This is one of his.

Two boys in Boston were playing baseball when one of them was attacked by a vicious Rottweiler. The dog had already locked his jaws on the Boy’s legs.

Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off of a nearby fence, wedged it into the dog’s collar and twisted it, breaking the dog’s neck.

A newspaper reporter from the Boston Globe witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the headline, “Brave Boston Red Sox Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal.”

“But I’m not a Boston Red Sox fan,&rdquot; the little hero interjected.

“Sorry” replied the reporter. “But since we’re in Boston, I just assumed you were.”

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began again, “John Kerry Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack.”

“But I’m not a John Kerry fan either,” the boy protested.

The reporter replied, “I assumed everybody in this state was either for The Red Sox, John Kerry, or Ted Kennedy. What team or person do you Like?”

“Well, I’m a Texas Ranger fan, and I really like President Bush,” the Boy answered.

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began yet again: “Arrogant Little Republican Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet.”

So true, the twist people put on those who disagree with them.

[tags]Arrogant republican kills, Political commentary humor[/tags]

11 year old hero

The only thing missing from this story is a single hunk of metal, delivered mafia-style execution from very close range. Hail to the 11-year old boy who is the hero of the day at Disneyworld in Florida.

An 11-year-old boy helps police catch a child molester during his family’s vacation at Disney World.

. . .

“Well the beginning was pretty good until we ran into this little big bump”, says David.

That bump was convicted sex offender William Bishop who 11-year-old David and his sister ran into out by the pool at the Swan Resort on the property of Walt Disney World.

David says, “He was asking my sister some very strange questions like where are your mom and dad? Do they know where you are? Do they know you are going on the slide? Can you point your mom and dad out to me?”

Continue reading “11 year old hero”

The REAL Sept. 11th story

Thanks to cow-orker James for this dandy write-up of the REAL story behind the Sept. 11th attacks. I’m pretty sure this is much more accurate than the official report.

BUSH: So, what’s the plan again?

CHENEY: Well, we need to invade Iraq and Afghanistan. So what we’ve decided to do is crash a whole bunch of remote-controlled planes into Wall Street and the Pentagon, say they’re real hijacked commercial planes, and blame it on the towelheads; then we’ll just blow up the buildings ourselves to make sure they actually fall down.

RUMSFELD: Right! And we’ll make sure that some of the hijackers are agents of Saddam Hussein! That way we’ll have no problem getting the public to buy the invasion.

CHENEY: No, Dick, we won’t.

RUMSFELD: We won’t?

Continue reading “The REAL Sept. 11th story”

Umm, WTF Judge?

From the latest issue of Reason magazine comes this interesting judgement from the bench:

In March 2004, two Florida teens — 17-year-old male “J.G.W.” and 16-you-old “A.H.,” as court records refer to them — photographed themselves engaged in sex acts. Then they sent the pictures from A.H.’s computer to J.G.W.’s email account. It’s not exactly clear how, but the photos soon wound up in the hands of the police. Both teenagers were charged with producing child pornography.

The sex acts themselves were no illegal; both teens were over Florida’s age of consent. It was the documentation of the sex acts that was illegal, because the federal child pornography ban defines a child as anyone under 18. In essence, they were arrested for exploiting themselves.

Continue reading “Umm, WTF Judge?”

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Peggy. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Peggy to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Continue reading “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here”