Let go from work today – just about 90 minutes ago. Was just told things weren’t working out, and the boss didn’t have anything else to say to me after he told me that. What brought this about? Well, I never understood my job, and did it wrong more often that I did it right. I got to the point where I was scared to work on things, which obviously greatly hampered my ability to perform well and hurt my chances of ever understanding the job and doing it right. When the boss days to respond to emails on projects that I was behind on or didn’t respond at all, I pretty much knew it was about the happen. I couldn’t work the way the group I was assigned to worked, and I failed to figure out how to get the help I needed to learn the job correctly within the framework of how others in the group worked.

I’m trying to be careful, because I don’t want to blame my employer. I feel a little shafted, because I never got the support I needed to do the job right. But still, I know responsibility for doing the job ultimately was up to me. I clearly didn’t ask enough questions, or ask the right people, when I was lost and struggling with understanding my responsibilities. I have always been one to work on my own to try to figure out problems, even in instances when I need to ask questions. So rather than asking up front for clarification when I was lost, I would read, re-read, and look back at similar work done by others. And ultimately, what I figured out was usually not right.

In the end, it would have been foolish for my previous employer to keep me, because I wasn’t able to do the job they needed. I just wish I could have found one person in the group who could understand how I work and have that one person available to answer my questions and help me in a manner that matched my work style. I tried to work in their way, but failed, and never found someone who worked the way I do.

[tags]Let go, Unemployment, What’s wrong with me[/tags]