In a recent required reading post, the folks at 4 Color Rebellion linked readers up to a listing of the 10 manliest games of all time.Ã‚Â While what 10 games are manliest really isn’t worth knowing, the reasons behind the games making the list is sometimes worth checking out.Ã‚Â Here are a couple that caught my eye.
#3: Custer’s Revenge
System: Atari 2600
Year of Release: 1982
Had Custer’s Revenge come out in the robot-heavy early 1990’s it probably would have been called Ã¢â‚¬Å“Rape Simulator 2000Ã¢â‚¬Â. That’s right, this is the only game in the history of the interactive entertainment (to my knowledge) where the goal is to rape a helpless woman! While we don’t condone rape here at Arthur’s Hall, it suddenly becomes pretty damn harmless (not to mention hilarious) once you put it in the context of a Atari 2600 video game that was released over 20 years ago.
The gameplay is simpleÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ you are a naked and horny General Custer with a big fat 4-bit boner. On the far right of the screen is a naked Indian maiden tied to a stake. The goal is to have sex with her as much as possible without getting hit by the arrows falling from the sky. The action button is the Ã¢â‚¬Å“rape buttonÃ¢â‚¬Â and can be pressed once you work your way over to the maiden to ravage her. If you rape her for two long, you will no doubt be hit by the falling arrows. It’s best to move away and wait for an opening to rape her some more. You are awarded points for every thrust of course.
Yes, this is sick and depraved, and whoever programmed this game should probably be sent to prison. Still, who else would have had the balls to make a game like this? The whole concept is just insane. Custer’s Revenge just might be the most politically incorrect thing I’ve ever witnessed, and that makes it manly as hell.
Yup.Ã‚Â Sick and depraved.Ã‚Â I’ve never even played the game, but the description sure makes it sound tasteless.Ã‚Â Fortunately, the video quality of the 2600 wasn’t enough to really show this disturbing game in its full, um, glory.
System: Multi System (Arcade, Dreamcast, Gamecube)
Year of Release: 2000, 2002, 2003
There is something really primeval and manly about those old-school space shooters. I’m talking about great games like R-Type, Gradius, and Sidearms. They were simple, impossibly difficult, and quite demanding when it came to old-fashioned pattern memorizationÃ¢â‚¬Â¦ a very manly trait indeed.
Ikaruga is quite likely the greatest space shooter ever designed. It is impossibly hard, dense, and one of the greatest and most meticulously designed video games ever created. Ikaruga takes the ideas of decades of vertical and horizontally scrolling space shooters, improves on them, and then turns them on their head.
There is more to this game’s description.Ã‚Â Just in case you aren’t familiar with Ikaruga, know that it is considered one of the hardest old-style scrolling shooters ever made.Ã‚Â I’ve looked for this game, but never found it at a price I could afford.Ã‚Â Sadly, it wasn’t highly available in the US.
One final note about the article – Contra is listed as the #1 manliest game ever.Ã‚Â I won’t argue yes or no on this, but I will mention that the latest Official XBox Magazine includes the news that Contra will be available for the XBox360 in the near future.Ã‚Â I don’t have the magazine in front of me now to check the details (and I skipped reading it initially except for the headline), but I’m guessing it’s an XBox Live title, and probably available in classic (i.e., original) mode and some enhanced graphics mode.Ã‚Â So if you missed it first time around, you should have a chance soon to play this great game.